So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
