I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
