Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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