So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
