i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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