I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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