You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
