This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Boobs are out for the taking
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
