just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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