you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
