I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
