I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
