i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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