I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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