so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
