Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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