ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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