had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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