trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
