whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
