Having a random hookup so left but love u
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
