Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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