i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
