his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize