I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
