I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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