I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
she peed on how many people?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
