so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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