dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
