How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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