she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
