i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
