I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize