there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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