How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
