well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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