in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
COCAINE IS GR8
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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