hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
