now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
