Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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