You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Farmville is her only friend.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
