dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Text me some of your sweat
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
