I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
