i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
