So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
