The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize