i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
