dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
