The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
