Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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