At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize