I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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