yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize