upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm too high and old for this...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
