the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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