I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
