just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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