so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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