dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Everclear isn't food dammit
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
