Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
