twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
