Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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