I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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