dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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