I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
FUCK WHALES
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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