i just had sex bonerless
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize