I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
either way he was missing a nipple.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
