I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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