In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
