i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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