Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
