I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
