Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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