I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You pole danced in your parka.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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