If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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