I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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