i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
