I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
