so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
