At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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