I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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