He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
