I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
