We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize