I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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