Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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