He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
