how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
