the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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