so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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