New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
