I swear she didn't look like that last week.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
