She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
