like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
