if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
