zippers are such a cool invention
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
