WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
