in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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