my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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