i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
