tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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