You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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