Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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