Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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